Tag: #Teenagers

Love Triangle: Part I

Writer

Epilogue:

Two guys, one girl, a lot of emotions and million of discussions, in a year a lot of things can happen, a lot of things can change, an important relation can be ruined and you can realize who your real friends are.

Characters:

  • My best guy friend – Jence
  • The cousin – Matthew
  • Author, Me –  Clarissa
  • My best girl friend – Danielle

Chapter I

October, 2015

There was this boy, one of my best friends, we were talking as usually at the middle of the night, when he started to talk about a guy just like that so randomly, he told me lots of good things about him, his experiences and where he had already traveled. The next day, it was school day, we talked normally until he mentioned that guy again, we were in french class when he told me that the guy he was talking about yesterday was his cousin and he was going to get into our high school, at first I just say that it was cool, because of the things he told me it seemed that he was an interesting guy, then I just realized that I knew a lot about him without even knowing who he was, so I asked why he told me all of that, and he just said that he wanted me to be his cousins friend.

November, 2015

Days pass by until we saw this guy presenting the entrance exam in the guiding counselors office, I just commented that the guy was good-looking, when we kept walking to our classroom Jence told me that he was his cousin, so I just shut and keep walking until we arrived to the classroom when Jence tried to talk to me about what I said before, I just changed the conversation talking about a movie. At the end of the day Jence sent me a message asking if I really thought that his cousin was good-looking, I had to admit that he really was, so I just said yes, and that was the key word that changed everything…

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Anxiety Problems 

Overthinking

Anxiety has been a problem since I started high school, I’ve already had several break downs and got into the hospital because of it.

Over thinking is one of the most common symptoms I have when I’m going to start with an anxiety break down. My head starts hurting like hell, I just can’t focus on anything, every single problem, memory, person comes through my mind at the same time. My heart starts racing, I feel tightening on the chest, start with quick breathing and restlessness.

There are some nights when I just can’t sleep, so I just start watching YouTube videos, which are basically about my favorite tv series or movies, and I just cry out my eyes without any reason. Why? Because information gets stuck in our heads like we need to check out every single thing that happens to us, movies and tv shows personally affect me a lot when I’m going through a similar situation, feeling like nobody cares or likes you because some foolish reasons, being paralyzed by a new project or presentation or experience, feel like you’re alone in this big world.

I’ve been trying to deal with this problem, with such things that actually work for me like

  • Listening to music without headphones, cause if I start with earphones I just get lost and my head starts to hurt again, so when my anxiety has already slow down a little, I just put earphones on.
  • Smell peppermint; this actually helps me a lot, so I can relax and slow down my breathing
  • Close my eyes and start breathing slowly
  • Try not to think on anything, just focusing on my own breathing

But what mostly works its music, I don’t know what I would do without it, I’m basically listening to music every single day, every single time. When I have this break downs all I can do is play my Shawn Mendes songs and just focus on his voice, I don’t know how his voice can control my anxiety, its like magic I swear. When everything gets calm I start listening to my focus playlist on Spotify, and my anxiety goes away for the night.

I know how this thing can make you feel sad and angry and frustrated at the same time, but believe me, find those things that can make you feel better, you’ll go through them and youll feel better, I know that its hard, but remember that you’re the only one that can control it, so don’t be afraid and fight against those anxiety break downs that makes us feel the most vulnerable person in the world, cause we are not. I highly recommend to try out those things I mention maybe you have that one artist or that one person that can help you get calm.

 

My Constant Nightmare

Every single night I used to have this nightmare, it all began when I started reading those Shadowhunters series, but first let me tell you something, I can’t remember anything from my past, I’ve already forgotten every single thing that happened to me during my childhood, the only thing I can remember its a little boy, this guy that appears in every single dream I have, the problem it’s that I don’t even know his name, he’s just there as a grown up guy, but I know that he’s the little boy I remember from my childhood.

How can the books relate with my nightmare? In the book Clary can’t remember her past until she discovers she’s into the Shadowhunter world, when she’s with the silent brothers and the Soul-Sword, she starts to remember little fragments of her life, while reading that scene I actually started remembering some of mine too, creepy huh!

The dream always starts the same way, I’m in a kind of college with that guy, btw we are actually in a romantic relationship which is weird af, we just go to my normal high school and keep with a normal life, there we are just as normal teenagers living their lives.

This guy has Jace attitude, he’s just so sarcastic, mean, selfish but also he has that sensitive side he’s so caring and honest and charming, also he’s good-looking. I’ve tried finding this guy, with this characteristics but I just can’t, I try to remember but nothing seems to be real. But that’s not all the relation I’ve seen, Teen Wolf is also part of this, the tv show series have something that actually made me freak the most, the first part of last season talks about remembering, everything it’s about remembering this guy, it talks about the girl who’s trying to remember the guy, she knows he’s real but she can’t see him at all, only with her supernatural skills and in her dreams, after trying a lot he actually find the way to come back and they get together just the way they were meant to be.

In my case that hasn’t happened yet, I don’t know if its going to happen, he talks to me in all those dreams, he whispers things but when I wake up I just can’t remember anything about him or what he said last night, I don’t even remember his face, just the back of his head and simple characteristics like hair and skin color, I take it as a nightmare cause dreaming about someone you love, like really love, but without knowing who the hell he is, it’s just a nightmare for me, the most scaring thing it’s that I know that I have already met him before, there’s something blocked in my head which makes me get stuck in my last memories and not the first ones, I’ve tried a lot of things but nothing happens, maybe at the end of this high school year and when I head off to college I might find him or maybe it’s just that, a constant nightmare.

*I chose that photo because he looks like the guy I’m talking about* 

College Part II

College

This is the beginning of something new, new opportunities, new friends, new experiences, it’s the beginning of a completely new life for me.

I was suffering like crazy because I didn’t knew where to go to college, I had trouble with picking up a good one without spending a lot of money. At the end everything that I went through during those hard 4 months were worth it, now I’m extremely sure which is the path I’m going to follow.

I’m actually heading off to another state from Mexico, I’m nervous because its going to be something I’ve never experienced before, but thinking about the situation made me realized that this is what I really want.

I also got a good scholarship, I’m excited about this whole thing, now I have to learn lots of things but I have the feeling that this is going to be one of the most amazing experiences in my whole life.

What I’ve learned about this? Well, first of all its that family is going to be there always for you no matter which decisions you make if those decision make you happy then they will understand. Second, when you really want something and you fight for it you achieve it, really I can truly say that working so hard on this whole college stuff has thought me like a lot an at the end I reached my goal. And the last thing is that I’ve learned that not always you’re going to gain every single thing as fast as you think, sometimes you have to work harder to achieve them, we are all capable of reaching our goals, we just have to try to trust in ourselves.

I can proudly say, I DID IT! And there’s no more satisfaction than knowing where you’re going to conclude your student life. My last advice is to focus on what you really want and do it for yourself not someone else cause at the end you’re the one whose gonna live that life.

Just Simple Mistakes 

Some situations can turn out to be extremely difficult, sometimes we think that life is just unfair, that we deserve better things, I know that being a teenager can be really difficult and people may not understand us at all.

But life it’s about knowing by yourself what we are here for, we need to learn from mistakes, each path we choose is what makes us who we are now, every single decision is for a reason, maybe for the moment we think that we don’t deserve what happened but at the end of the day we have to realize that somethings are just meant to be that way.

With the past of the years, I’ve learned that if I didn’t have made that mistakes I may not have learned about the situation, to me making mistakes it’s what makes us humans, with them we can know how life can be, it helps us to reach a new path, reach a good life, reach our objectives, don’t be mad at yourself forever about what you did, instead of being angry and frustrated all the time, try to encourage yourself to make a plan and revert that mistake into your favor, maybe it’s hard but you’ll realize that you inner peace will emerge as soon as you’re fine with your decisions and your mind will not make that mistake again.

Trust and think before you act, that can make a big difference while deciding your final option, take in count the risk and if at the end you didn’t choose the correct one, fix it and keep going with your life, because life it’s too short to worry about it all the time.

Learning from a TV show

laptop

Lately I’ve been thinking a lot of what should I do with my future, I’ve been stressing out for all this stuff and I actually wasn’t even think about it in a focused way, tonight I was just watching awkward *I’ve already talked about that series btw* and I just realized that finishing that show has open my mind a lot.

I can say that I can be a like to Jenna Hamilton in a certain way, some experiences she has during the show have shown me a lot and I’ve been learning from them, I know that we have to find our own voice and to reach what we must want in life, but watching this show has helped me a lot to find out those little things that happen in high school such as love, friendship and education, things which maybe I haven’t realized before, but for now I can truly say that we all make mistakes, we all need to learn from them, and sometimes it is fate to be in a specific place, with a specific person and in a specific time.

I know that time let us know who we really want to be, but during the journey we have to discover ourselves, I’ve never been the girl who knows everything, I’m not the girl who’s always has the answers, I’ve made lots of mistakes, but nothing will be the same if I hadn’t made them, they’re part of me and without them I will not be the same person I am now.

During this journey I’ve learned a lot, watching all those movies, tv shows or series, I’ve realized that sometimes we only need a little help to go through all this stuff and survive along this thing called LIFE cause at the end we all have a purpose on this world, and we need to fight hard to find which is our destiny.

I can’t belive how the authors of Awkward. could have made all of this, I’m just impressed, there are such many chapters which I just can’t handle, pressing the pause button was the only solution to take a minute and think about my own problems, trying to find what I was doing wrong at that time, this show brought me a lot of laugh, tears, smiles but the most important thing I really learned about how hard life can be, how harsh people can turn out. I would really recommend this show to all those ones that need a little of high school and teenage knowledge, it really helps, also personally I had this days in which I started watching it and I just could not understand a word of it, those times I just close the tab and watch another thing, I don’t know how, but you’ll only watch the show in the right time, when you really need it. I discovered this show in my fifth semester of high school and I could be more thankful for it, this show has been an anchor that lets me keep going with things that I thought were not relevant at all, I really think it was just a sign maybe even fate.

Maybe this is more a review about a series than something personal, but for me it has been a whole experience which by the way has taught me more that even some of own experiences, I’m really thankful for those awkward authors, they must be really proud of their work, because they really nailed it.

Stressed Out

We all have this days when we don’t know how to feel, we have a lot of stuff around our head, everything is just not going in our way, times passes us by & we don’t even notice about it, we are so occupied trying to fix our feelings, our thoughts, our little messed up world that we forget about living, we spend so much time thinking about what would life be if we’ve done something different, but the truth is that we can’t fix what we did, past is just right there, in the past, it’s GONE & we just have to get over it, no matter how hard it is to.

I’ve been waken up lots of nights trying to figure out things from my life, but to be honest the only thing I can do is just stare at the roof & imagine the life which I would rather prefer to have, ruining all my sleeping schedule out for nothing.

I know that at some point all this stuff sucks, but we have to stop willing for things we can’t have, let’s focus on things that actually matters. Yeah, we lost a lover, we’ll find a new one, we lost a friend, if he/she was a real one they would not leave us, we lost a scholarship, work harder & show them you’re better than that, been a teenager can be devastating sometimes, but crap we have to get up, wash our faces and show the world what are we made of, if we just cry all day and night, we’re just showing how sensitive we are and belive it or not we’re actually giving up & letting them win.

Facing things can be a hurtful process but at the end we’ll see a great result & nothing will be more satisfying than realising how much you’ve done and achieved during those whole years of effort and those late nights with coffee cups beside our beds.

Life can give us lots of punches on the stomach, but at the end we learn about those & all of our mistakes are the things that makes us who we are now, we learn from them & we expect not to repeat them, cause we’re all humans & we totally have the right to mess up things, make mistakes, but mostly to realize that we are more than just a simple word or action or name or whatever, because we are awesome just the way we are.