Tag: #Decisions

Anxiety & Anger

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Two feelings that are extremely hard to control. They can make you turn into another person. Someone who you actually don’t want to be. Controlling them, it’s just as difficult as jumping from an airplane when you’re afraid of heights.

I’ve already written something about my anxiety and how to deal with it. But gosh, recently I’ve been having a lot of trouble controlling anger. I’ve always been a girl who hides emotions, cause for me that’s what makes me feel stronger and not vulnerable at all. I know that maybe I should not be that way. Keeping every single feeling to myself and do not let me cry when I want to, can provoke some harm in future times. I’ve tried a lot of things to keep away my anger. Sometimes it works, others, not that much.

Have you had that feeling you just want to leave everything and run away? Well, that happens to me when I cannot control myself, specifically my emotions. I know sometimes we want to do some things and they turn out to be misplaced. Maybe faith do not want us to have those things, or maybe we just need to try harder to get them.

Along the time, I’ve been researching ways to control inner self-control and emotions that can make us make bad decisions. I’ve found interesting things that may or may no help us all. I list them down below.

  1. Think before you speak or make a decision: Sometimes when we are angry, we don’t visualize every single detail of the situation that is happening. We just focus on the problem that is bothering us. We need to see ahead the bubble and do not let emotion take our decisions. Cause later we will regret them.
  2. Try a relaxing bath: After a hard day of work or school or college. Take a relaxing bath put on some music that you like the most and create that background that gets you in a good mood.
  3. Make a Playlist: Lots of people tend to be music lovers. Well, if you are one of them try making a new playlist that will make you smile as soon as you hear it. Dont try to list popular music, list the kind of music that you totally and actually like, Your mood can change with good music.
  4. Pamper yourself: Even if you are a girl or a guy try to embrace yourself. Nothing can give you the power to love yourself. Just YOU. Try exfoliation your face, put on mask, try a new lotion, eat a candy or chocolate that you love. Be Creative.
  5. Go out with Friends: Use that negativity and turn it into posivity. Go out and have fun like there is no tomorrow.

 

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Hidden Emotions

Many people have called me “insensitive”, “You have no feelings”, “You don’t care about anything or anyone besides yourself.” I’ve listen all of those at least 1000 times on the last years.

The thing is; I hide my emotions for myself, sharing them it’s like failing me. I do not show my feelings to anyone, if I do they must be really important and trustable. When I cry, it’s because I’m really overwhelmed and I need to. Is not that I like to do it that often. There are those days when I’m just sick of all the crap people throw, when I cannot hold anymore my emotions.

I don’t know if it’s just me, but sometimes I just feel like my chest is going to explode internally. I can actually feel all my emotions at once. Then the crying and crisis starts. My breath starts to fail a little, I feel a hole all over me, I cannot remember why I’m feeling that way. It just happens. I just need a movie, a serie, a book or a song and it will start.

My mom says “Hiding your feelings and keeping them, its bad for your health. You overwhelm your body and until you can’t keep those emotions there, is when your break. Stop that. Remember is for your own good.” I know she’s right, but I just feel vulnerable when I show something. I just can’t let it happen. I know it might sound crazy, but I’ve tried and instead of feeling better it gets worst.

My advice; find a way to give away those hidden emotions, we all need somehow to let them out. I will keep searching the best option for me and not overwhelm my body. I hope we all find our way out for this.

I may be quiet, but there is a lot on my mind

Love Triangle: Part I

Writer

Epilogue:

Two guys, one girl, a lot of emotions and million of discussions, in a year a lot of things can happen, a lot of things can change, an important relation can be ruined and you can realize who your real friends are.

Characters:

  • My best guy friend – Jence
  • The cousin – Matthew
  • Author, Me –  Clarissa
  • My best girl friend – Danielle

Chapter I

October, 2015

There was this boy, one of my best friends, we were talking as usually at the middle of the night, when he started to talk about a guy just like that so randomly, he told me lots of good things about him, his experiences and where he had already traveled. The next day, it was school day, we talked normally until he mentioned that guy again, we were in french class when he told me that the guy he was talking about yesterday was his cousin and he was going to get into our high school, at first I just say that it was cool, because of the things he told me it seemed that he was an interesting guy, then I just realized that I knew a lot about him without even knowing who he was, so I asked why he told me all of that, and he just said that he wanted me to be his cousins friend.

November, 2015

Days pass by until we saw this guy presenting the entrance exam in the guiding counselors office, I just commented that the guy was good-looking, when we kept walking to our classroom Jence told me that he was his cousin, so I just shut and keep walking until we arrived to the classroom when Jence tried to talk to me about what I said before, I just changed the conversation talking about a movie. At the end of the day Jence sent me a message asking if I really thought that his cousin was good-looking, I had to admit that he really was, so I just said yes, and that was the key word that changed everything…

Anxiety Problems 

Overthinking

Anxiety has been a problem since I started high school. I’ve already have had several break downs. Even, I had to go to the hospital because of it.

Over thinking is one of the most common symptoms I have when I’m going to start with an anxiety break down. My head starts hurting like hell, I just can’t focus on anything; every single problem, memory, person comes through my mind at the same time. My heart starts racing, I feel tightening on the chest, my breathing starts to go faster and restlessness.

There are some nights when I just can’t sleep, so I just start watching YouTube videos. Which are basically about my favorite tv series or movies. I just end up crying out my eyes without any reason. Why? Because information gets stuck in our heads, like we need to check out every single thing that happens to us. Movies and TV shows, personally affect me a lot when I’m going through a similar situation. Feeling like nobody cares or likes you because some foolish reasons. Being paralyzed by a new project or presentation or experience. That feeling of loneliness and darkness living among us in this big world.

I’ve been trying to deal with this problem. There are such things that actually work for me:

  • Listening to music without headphones: The reason is, if I start with earphones I just get lost and my head starts to hurt again, so when my anxiety has already slow down a little, I just put earphones on.
  • Smell peppermint; this actually helps me a lot, so I can relax and slow down my breathing and my thoughts start to vanish.
  • Close my eyes and start breathing slowly; just deep breaths can calm me down. Trying not to think on anything else, just focusing on my own breathing.
  • Write in a journal: Maybe this sounds so cliché, but believe me it actually works a lot. Expressing yourself to you in a book is relaxing. You leave all the darkness among those words you are writing.
  • Sleep; this is the cure for a full mind. Get some sleep and when you wake up you are going to feel better.

Honestly, what mostly works for me, its music. I don’t know what I would do without it. I’m basically listening to music every single day, every single time. When I have this break downs all I can do is play my Shawn Mendes songs and just focus on his voice. I don’t know how his voice can control my anxiety, its like magic, I swear. When everything gets calm I start listening to my focus playlist on Spotify, and my anxiety goes away for the night and the next day.

I know how this thing can make you feel sad and angry and frustrated all at the same time. But believe me, find those things that can make you feel better. You’ll go through them and you’ll feel better, I know that its hard, but remember that you’re the only one that can control it, so don’t be afraid and fight against those anxiety break downs that makes us feel the most vulnerable person in the world, cause we are not. I highly recommend to try out those things I mention before. Maybe you have that one artist or that one person that can help you get calm. Do not hesitate to listen to his or her voice or call that friend that has been always there for you. No matter what. Anyway, if you think ou don’t have anybody. You can come to me. My blog is open for everybody in this world. I will listen, and if it is on my power I will help you go trough all the rough stuff. I am al ears, do not hesitate. Just leave me a message or a comment down below.

Dont worry, you are not alone in this. Lots of people tend to have this anxiety problems. But with HOPE, LOVE, FRIENDSHIP & SELF-ESTEEM everything can turn from black to a beautiful rainbowed color.

College Part II

College

This is the beginning of something new, new opportunities, new friends, new experiences, it’s the beginning of a completely new life for me.

I was suffering like crazy because I didn’t knew where to go to college, I had trouble with picking up a good one without spending a lot of money. At the end everything that I went through during those hard 4 months were worth it, now I’m extremely sure which is the path I’m going to follow.

I’m actually heading off to another state from Mexico, I’m nervous because its going to be something I’ve never experienced before, but thinking about the situation made me realized that this is what I really want.

I also got a good scholarship, I’m excited about this whole thing, now I have to learn lots of things but I have the feeling that this is going to be one of the most amazing experiences in my whole life.

What I’ve learned about this? Well, first of all its that family is going to be there always for you no matter which decisions you make if those decision make you happy then they will understand. Second, when you really want something and you fight for it you achieve it, really I can truly say that working so hard on this whole college stuff has thought me like a lot an at the end I reached my goal. And the last thing is that I’ve learned that not always you’re going to gain every single thing as fast as you think, sometimes you have to work harder to achieve them, we are all capable of reaching our goals, we just have to try to trust in ourselves.

I can proudly say, I DID IT! And there’s no more satisfaction than knowing where you’re going to conclude your student life. My last advice is to focus on what you really want and do it for yourself not someone else cause at the end you’re the one whose gonna live that life.

Just Simple Mistakes 

Some situations can turn out to be extremely difficult, sometimes we think that life is just unfair, that we deserve better things, I know that being a teenager can be really difficult and people may not understand us at all.

But life it’s about knowing by yourself what we are here for, we need to learn from mistakes, each path we choose is what makes us who we are now, every single decision is for a reason, maybe for the moment we think that we don’t deserve what happened but at the end of the day we have to realize that somethings are just meant to be that way.

With the past of the years, I’ve learned that if I didn’t have made that mistakes I may not have learned about the situation, to me making mistakes it’s what makes us humans, with them we can know how life can be, it helps us to reach a new path, reach a good life, reach our objectives, don’t be mad at yourself forever about what you did, instead of being angry and frustrated all the time, try to encourage yourself to make a plan and revert that mistake into your favor, maybe it’s hard but you’ll realize that you inner peace will emerge as soon as you’re fine with your decisions and your mind will not make that mistake again.

Trust and think before you act, that can make a big difference while deciding your final option, take in count the risk and if at the end you didn’t choose the correct one, fix it and keep going with your life, because life it’s too short to worry about it all the time.

College 🎓 

This is the time of the year when teenagers start thinking about their future, which school is better for each one & which career you’re going to choose.
I’ve been searching for different schools for multiple years, and I was sure of which one I wanted to go, but now I feel like I don’t really know what to do with my life, many things are going through my head and I can’t focus on what I really want, my parents would like me to go to an specific university, but I’m not convinced at all anymore about it.

This process has been very stressful for me because I’m just few months till I have to decide which school is the best for me, I know that I have to decide what I really want & just think about me & not about others, but sometimes it’s just to difficult, I don’t want to disappoint anyone and I think that if I chose something maybe I would not be in the correct pad. What if it is not right for me? What if that’s a wrong decision?

I’m afraid, I really am, I don’t know how can I be sure of which option it’s the best for me, I have these two options:

The first option it’s the school I’ve always dream of, but which I’m not sure about anymore, there’s something about it that tells me that maybe it’s not the best option, I have already got it but without a scholarship and I really need it (the school is expensive AF) I’m already on a contest and I’ll apply for the exam on January, maybe I can get a scholarship of 100% and it will be great, but what if I don’t reach it?

The second option it’s going to college into another state far from my family, it seem to be a pretty good option, one of my teachers actually told me that it was a good University and she thinks that it will be a better option for me going there instead of the first one, I think that I’m really afraid to be separated from my family and that’s why I’m not having enough courage to go through it.

College has been so hard and sometimes I’m just killing myself to think what should I do, it’s kicking my ass constantly and I’m not even there yet, they’re extremely expensive and I’m not like the richest girl so I need that extra help from the scholarships, it’s been hard, really hard and my decision it’s still in risk cause I don’t know where to go, I think that I just need more time, but time is flying away and I actually need to know by the end of the year, which is pretty close though.

I need to find a solution, but damn there’s such a lot going through my head, that sometimes I just want everything to shut up and stop bothering me, but life its life and my future it’s on risk so I just have to work hard, cause babe things are not done alone, we have to fight till the end no matter how hard it gets, we all want to succeed and there’s no more true thought than “Success it’s hard to get, and certainly it’s not for the lazy” I just wish I could have an answer.