Hidden Emotions

Personal Stuff

Many people have called me “insensitive”, “You have no feelings”, “You don’t care about anything or anyone besides yourself.” I’ve listen all of those at least 1000 times on the last years.

The thing is; I hide my emotions for myself, sharing them it’s like failing me. I do not show my feelings to anyone, if I do they must be really important and trustable. When I cry, it’s because I’m really overwhelmed and I need to. Is not that I like to do it that often. There are those days when I’m just sick of all the crap people throw, when I cannot hold anymore my emotions.

I don’t know if it’s just me, but sometimes I just feel like my chest is going to explode internally. I can actually feel all my emotions at once. Then the crying and crisis starts. My breath starts to fail a little, I feel a hole all over me, I cannot remember why I’m feeling that way. It just happens. I just need a movie, a serie, a book or a song and it will start.

My mom says “Hiding your feelings and keeping them, its bad for your health. You overwhelm your body and until you can’t keep those emotions there, is when your break. Stop that. Remember is for your own good.” I know she’s right, but I just feel vulnerable when I show something. I just can’t let it happen. I know it might sound crazy, but I’ve tried and instead of feeling better it gets worst.

My advice; find a way to give away those hidden emotions, we all need somehow to let them out. I will keep searching the best option for me and not overwhelm my body. I hope we all find our way out for this.

I may be quiet, but there is a lot on my mind

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My First Year of College

Personal Stuff

college-dorm-ideas-for-girls-dorm-room-wall-decorating-ideas-delectable-ideas-cute-dorm-rooms-old-country-kitchen-designsI’ve already finished my first year at college. There have been a lot of experiences and good memories so far. I’ve learned a lot through this journey, such as personal and career stuff.

To be honest the first time that I was heading of there I was pretty nervous, it was going to be a completely new experience. But for my fortune most people tend to be kind and care about their own business. Which for me is pretty amazing.

Along the year I’ve made really good friends. I’ve been able to experience the outdoors and some things that I had never tried before. My schedule was not that hard to follow, I only had six classes and some scholarship service. I had time for myself and my friends too.

As we all know college is one of the best time of our lives, where we make those unbreakable friendships and to be honest I really believe that. I’ve met amazing people, that has been there for me whenever I needed. In my worst and my best. Maybe I’m talking to early but let’s pray that it keeps that way.

I live in a dorm with some roomies. It is a completely different experience, cause I’ve never had to share anything at all (with strangers). In the dorms we need to try our hardest to not annoy the other roomies and respect each other, but as all you know there’s always some people that do not understand that. So it has been not that hard, but a little bit annoying tbh.

I’m studying finances. My classes have been very helpful. I’ve learned a lot, basic stuff of course, but I need to start from the bottom, right? Anyway, I’m really liking my career so far. It’s very interesting and I really enjoy learning all those financial terms and making those economic graphics.

The hardest thing of all was learning how to cook, how to make laundry and wash the dishes. I tend to be lazy, so at home I didn’t helped my mom with those things, but after I head off to college I needed to learn to do all of that. Anyways I think I’m doing a pretty good job so far.

To finish up my resume of my first year of college. I think that I’ve learned how to be independent, trying doing all my stuff that is needed without mom was really hard at the beginning but as the time passes by, it gets easier and I really like it. Cause I know that I’m preparing myself for the future. And at the end the only one that is going to be benefiting for that it’s me.

My Twitter Obsession 

Personal Stuff

Social Media, lots of apps that can connect every single human being with another one, we all have different preferences, sometimes we spend more time on twitter or in Facebook or Instagram or Snapchat or another social media app.

I actually use all of them, but sincerely I rather prefer using twitter than the other ones, for me Twitter it’s a way to express my feelings in little quotes & showing my support to my favorite artists.

I know that a follow or some likes do not say anything at all, but when I get that follow from my favorite artist I just can’t hide my shocked and extremely happy face, it actually happened when Shawn Mendes followed me 2 years ago, I was just so happy that I couldn’t help it, I have the honor to be followed by some of my favorite artists.

When I saw that tweeting and liking other tweets helped you gain followers or likes I started using it more and more and more and more, some nights I actually didn’t even sleep cause I wanted to keep scrolling through the app and find out new feed, new stories, all those new Shawn Mendes Tweets.

Maybe some of you can relate maybe you don’t, but damn! It took me like 4 months to leave my obsession for that app, really, I’m trying to control my tweets but a new guy Trevor favs my tweets so I just can’t stop writing stuff about him, but balance is what makes me feel better with my inner self

If you like music, Shawn Mendes, movies and tv shows follow me guys! I’ll follow back 💕 Twitter

My Constant Nightmare

Personal Stuff

Every single night I used to have this nightmare, it all began when I started reading those Shadowhunters series, but first let me tell you something, I can’t remember anything from my past, I’ve already forgotten every single thing that happened to me during my childhood, the only thing I can remember its a little boy, this guy that appears in every single dream I have, the problem it’s that I don’t even know his name, he’s just there as a grown up guy, but I know that he’s the little boy I remember from my childhood.

How can the books relate with my nightmare? In the book Clary can’t remember her past until she discovers she’s into the Shadowhunter world, when she’s with the silent brothers and the Soul-Sword, she starts to remember little fragments of her life, while reading that scene I actually started remembering some of mine too, creepy huh!

The dream always starts the same way, I’m in a kind of college with that guy, btw we are actually in a romantic relationship which is weird af, we just go to my normal high school and keep with a normal life, there we are just as normal teenagers living their lives.

This guy has Jace attitude, he’s just so sarcastic, mean, selfish but also he has that sensitive side he’s so caring and honest and charming, also he’s good-looking. I’ve tried finding this guy, with this characteristics but I just can’t, I try to remember but nothing seems to be real. But that’s not all the relation I’ve seen, Teen Wolf is also part of this, the tv show series have something that actually made me freak the most, the first part of last season talks about remembering, everything it’s about remembering this guy, it talks about the girl who’s trying to remember the guy, she knows he’s real but she can’t see him at all, only with her supernatural skills and in her dreams, after trying a lot he actually find the way to come back and they get together just the way they were meant to be.

In my case that hasn’t happened yet, I don’t know if its going to happen, he talks to me in all those dreams, he whispers things but when I wake up I just can’t remember anything about him or what he said last night, I don’t even remember his face, just the back of his head and simple characteristics like hair and skin color, I take it as a nightmare cause dreaming about someone you love, like really love, but without knowing who the hell he is, it’s just a nightmare for me, the most scaring thing it’s that I know that I have already met him before, there’s something blocked in my head which makes me get stuck in my last memories and not the first ones, I’ve tried a lot of things but nothing happens, maybe at the end of this high school year and when I head off to college I might find him or maybe it’s just that, a constant nightmare.

*I chose that photo because he looks like the guy I’m talking about*