Category: Life Lessons

Anxiety Problems 

Overthinking

Anxiety has been a problem since I started high school, I’ve already had several break downs and got into the hospital because of it.

Over thinking is one of the most common symptoms I have when I’m going to start with an anxiety break down. My head starts hurting like hell, I just can’t focus on anything, every single problem, memory, person comes through my mind at the same time. My heart starts racing, I feel tightening on the chest, start with quick breathing and restlessness.

There are some nights when I just can’t sleep, so I just start watching YouTube videos, which are basically about my favorite tv series or movies, and I just cry out my eyes without any reason. Why? Because information gets stuck in our heads like we need to check out every single thing that happens to us, movies and tv shows personally affect me a lot when I’m going through a similar situation, feeling like nobody cares or likes you because some foolish reasons, being paralyzed by a new project or presentation or experience, feel like you’re alone in this big world.

I’ve been trying to deal with this problem, with such things that actually work for me like

  • Listening to music without headphones, cause if I start with earphones I just get lost and my head starts to hurt again, so when my anxiety has already slow down a little, I just put earphones on.
  • Smell peppermint; this actually helps me a lot, so I can relax and slow down my breathing
  • Close my eyes and start breathing slowly
  • Try not to think on anything, just focusing on my own breathing

But what mostly works its music, I don’t know what I would do without it, I’m basically listening to music every single day, every single time. When I have this break downs all I can do is play my Shawn Mendes songs and just focus on his voice, I don’t know how his voice can control my anxiety, its like magic I swear. When everything gets calm I start listening to my focus playlist on Spotify, and my anxiety goes away for the night.

I know how this thing can make you feel sad and angry and frustrated at the same time, but believe me, find those things that can make you feel better, you’ll go through them and youll feel better, I know that its hard, but remember that you’re the only one that can control it, so don’t be afraid and fight against those anxiety break downs that makes us feel the most vulnerable person in the world, cause we are not. I highly recommend to try out those things I mention maybe you have that one artist or that one person that can help you get calm.

 

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Learning from a TV show

laptop

Lately I’ve been thinking a lot of what should I do with my future, I’ve been stressing out for all this stuff and I actually wasn’t even think about it in a focused way, tonight I was just watching awkward *I’ve already talked about that series btw* and I just realized that finishing that show has open my mind a lot.

I can say that I can be a like to Jenna Hamilton in a certain way, some experiences she has during the show have shown me a lot and I’ve been learning from them, I know that we have to find our own voice and to reach what we must want in life, but watching this show has helped me a lot to find out those little things that happen in high school such as love, friendship and education, things which maybe I haven’t realized before, but for now I can truly say that we all make mistakes, we all need to learn from them, and sometimes it is fate to be in a specific place, with a specific person and in a specific time.

I know that time let us know who we really want to be, but during the journey we have to discover ourselves, I’ve never been the girl who knows everything, I’m not the girl who’s always has the answers, I’ve made lots of mistakes, but nothing will be the same if I hadn’t made them, they’re part of me and without them I will not be the same person I am now.

During this journey I’ve learned a lot, watching all those movies, tv shows or series, I’ve realized that sometimes we only need a little help to go through all this stuff and survive along this thing called LIFE cause at the end we all have a purpose on this world, and we need to fight hard to find which is our destiny.

I can’t belive how the authors of Awkward. could have made all of this, I’m just impressed, there are such many chapters which I just can’t handle, pressing the pause button was the only solution to take a minute and think about my own problems, trying to find what I was doing wrong at that time, this show brought me a lot of laugh, tears, smiles but the most important thing I really learned about how hard life can be, how harsh people can turn out. I would really recommend this show to all those ones that need a little of high school and teenage knowledge, it really helps, also personally I had this days in which I started watching it and I just could not understand a word of it, those times I just close the tab and watch another thing, I don’t know how, but you’ll only watch the show in the right time, when you really need it. I discovered this show in my fifth semester of high school and I could be more thankful for it, this show has been an anchor that lets me keep going with things that I thought were not relevant at all, I really think it was just a sign maybe even fate.

Maybe this is more a review about a series than something personal, but for me it has been a whole experience which by the way has taught me more that even some of own experiences, I’m really thankful for those awkward authors, they must be really proud of their work, because they really nailed it.

Can’t Take That Away

Best Friends.jpg

There’s something in life called fate, and it’s when we don’t know what can happen to us, we don’t know who’s going to stay, who’s going to leave, who’s going to let us down, sometimes we just have to keep living our life and let some things happen.

Today I had like a kind of fight with my best friend & I just wanted to run and throw everything away. There’s nothing as complicated as trying to be something more with your best friend, at first I thought that it actually wasn’t  that difficult at all, but for now I can say, for real that is something extremely difficult.

Loving someone this much can bring some complications into a relationship, best friends are supposed to stay that way, but to be honest sometimes one of them would fall for the other and maybe at a wrong time. We should be ready for things like this, I honestly didn’t knew what to do, I was so stuck with someone else that I didn’t figure things out about how I was really feeling. Today when he told me that nothing more was going to happen between us because he didn’t have the plan of having a girlfriend just broke me, and I don’t know if it was because I actually thought that my best friend would never do that, he would never break me or because I really like him & I actually wanted to try something with him.

I still don’t know what to think, or how to feel, maybe time will decide what is best for me, for him, for us, but for now maybe all I have to do is forget about everything that happened and just talk like best friends are supposed to talk.

 

Relationship Status: Unknown

friends

Sometimes we don’t choose who will be our first kiss, who we will be in love with, who will make our world disappear, sometimes it can be a stranger come out of nowhere, sometimes it can be a friend, sometimes it can be our best friend.

While you’re thinking about someone else, just a guy, the guy with the one you talk at night, the one you think is the one, you’re not noticing that your best friend, with the one that you spend most of the time is actually in love with you.

For me, it’s incredibly difficult to think about my best friend as a boyfriend, btw he kissed me, and I’m still trying to figure how to forget it, I don’t want to lose him cause I really love him so much, but thinking about the fact of the kiss I can barely think about him.

What am I supposed to do? What if I actually like him back? What if I still have feelings for the other guy? What will happen if I give my best friend a chance, would it be a good option or I’ll be ruining everything we have?

Maybe I’ll just have to wait until something comes along to my mind & makes me realize what should I do through this mess.

Awkward…

Today I was just laying in my bed and start seeing Awkward, an extremely great TV show by the way, it sometimes helps me to realize some things that happen in my life, all those awkward situations… at the end of the 7th episode I just shut down my laptop and grab my phone and start typing to this guy, explaining a bunch of the dumbest things we did, I don’t know how a TV show can give me the courage I needed to say what I think or feel, I’m just shaking right now, because this was so awkward, and maybe I’ll regret about it, but for now I feel FREE, saying all those things are such a satisfying feeling I can’t even believe I really did it. I’m literally laughing out loud without any reason, maybe that’s all I really needed to tell him how I felt & my thoughts about us.

We’ll always remember you 

We don’t know what we have, we complain about everything, we think that life it’s so unfair with us, but damn! We have to realize that we’re alive, that we live, that we have family and friends surrounding us with their love, that we don’t have to fight for our lives. I know that maybe this can be a thing that most parents say, but it’s real, now I get that this is real.
I will remember you forever, even though we were not that close, we were friends, I won’t forget those memories, I won’t forget how we start talking, I won’t forget your smile or that song in common we have, I won’t forget that trip we had together, I won’t forget you, I promise you that my brother and I will remember you till the end of time, hope God have you in his glory, we’re going to miss you, you’ll always be part of us. Rest In Peace My Little Friend. JRR 😇